Together in after life

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It was long back when I used to believe in God. The day she faded away, I was totally shattered, broken and I became a living statue. I could hear the voice but totally blank, I could see people but totally blank, I could see people shouting at me to move but totally blank. I was walking in the streets; let me tell you story about that day, when a truck nearly run over me & I had few fractures in legs. Do you believe? It was still blank, all my eyes wanted to see was her, all my ears wanted to hear was her voice, all my body needed was her warmth.

My parents send me to rehabilitation centre just like that... There I could see people screaming , crying , iritated but this time I could actually feel their pain though I was silent. Definitely I was not on drugs but I had extreme pain inside just like the other rehab members did. I had to attend 30 days in rehab centre. On the last day there, I was able to talk as confidently as I ever did. The tragic stories I heard there were more painful than my own that made me alright. All the people in & around rehab helped me recover me pretty well but yet I was still messed up because of her memories. She just turned 18 that day & it was our 2 years of friendship & day I proposed her & began our relationship. After the party, she insisted to go back alone & after an hour passed my cell phone rang & it made me frozen hearing she was dead. The truck ran over her. I rushed to the hospital as quick as I could but all I can see was her lying dead in the bed. I prayed all the way for her to be safe but she was dead in front of my eyes.

I always prayed everyday to God to keep us together forever & the day I approached her, death approached her as well. I don't blame death though, I just don't believe in love, god & death anymore. They took my happiness, my life , my soul, they took her. I even pleaded to time to let me go back & save her in exchange for my life but all that praying & wishing didn't work & I believe it won't work ever.

I tried consulting every page of every holy book ; looking for a way to revive her but there's nothing like revival on this world. It's already been a year & there's not a time when I don't miss her. I still love her a lot. She was my girl; love of my life.

I still could trade my life to revive her. Somehow , in rehab I learnt to be strong but her memories makes my eyes go wet again & again. Everyday she comes to my dream & kisses me on my cheek & fade away. Whenever I see her photograph, I can't stop crying..

Maybe God doesn't exist anymore that's why she died. What's more God is still keeping me alive though God doesn't exist. Last year jumping off the roof was my 2nd attempt to suicide but just few fractures again. Fractures remember? I was the one to jump in front of truck, not an accident. I was not blank. I could only see her everywhere, I could only hear her voices, I was chasing after her but she went too far from me. 

Never had I felt so helpless than those failed suicide attempts. I had to go to rehab after my attempts to die; highly pressured from family to stay in rehab.

And no, rehab didn't help me a bit. Every story I heard there felt nothing for me..even then, her death was more painful to me. 

Days passed & I learnt to be strong on my own. None of the counselling worked. It was me who convinced myself that she's no longer with me & you can do nothing about it. But still I'm confident that she'll be waiting for me in the soul world & someday we'll be together. Maybe those failed attempts  was her will for me to live & fulfill our dreams, my dreams & hers as well & when we reunite we would have more memories to make.

And recently, I got one happy news but pretty sad for my family. I had been diagnosed with leukemia & I heard I only got a year or so. Soon I'll be joining her. I'll try to achieve all the dream we dreamt and reach her & tell her all about it. I'll soon having my time with her for eternity. I hope God don't play a villain here. Nobody wants/ loves their death. I'm not hopeless that I want to die but I'm hopeful that I want to see her soon & join her in after life. She'll be waiting for me; soon we'll be in our paradise together.

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After life scenario